To dare is to lose one's footing momentarily. To not dare is to lose oneself. ~Soren Kierkegaard
Today I learnt this lesson from my son and thought there's no better time than now to write abt it.
Some introduction first - my five and a half year son Abhi, is mine and Ashu's greatest achievement till date :))
In his summer holidays we decided to put him to swimming coaching classes.
He is very fond of water …but this is his first attempt at formal training. Like me, he too has a phobia (no idea what's the term for this particular phobia- maybe something related to claustrophobia) of feeling breathless in water ..even during a head bath …he screams his head off …
The first day was a fiasco with Abhi running out of the pool screaming to be rescued and the attendant there pulling him back into the pool.
The coach was teaching all the kids to duck their heads and try to remain under water as long as possible. Poor Abhi dreads this very thing and screamed and cried the whole session. Second day, we lied that it would be different and lured him back.So the crying continued.
By now he had developed a strong mental block against the whole swimming class concept..he kept telling both of us that he does not want to go the third day ..he said it every 15 minutes of the day …and even in his sleep…On the third day ..he got up saying I don't want to go to the pool.
We tried all methods of convincing - and when I say all ..believe me I mean ALL …logic, sarcasm, more logic, examples, stories, promises of goodies, threats, scolding's -nothing worked.
This was the first time he was so stubborn about anything - usually my son is pretty easy going.
Ashu and me were shocked at his 'abnormal' stubbornness …By afternoon we lost hope- our worst fears coming true. We did not want to accept it,but there it was - our son was a quitter.
Still we almost dragged him to the pool not because we wanted him to learn swimming so badly, but we were scared that if we don't go today, this fear is just going to stay with him.
Today Ashu tried a little different tactic, we went sooner than the class, and dad and son got into the pool and were fooling around in the pool.This seemed to relax him a bit. Then the whistle sounded and the class began !
As usual we both hid out of his sight and waited to hear his first scream. Looked like my son had decided he had had enough of crying and walked (yeah .. he actually walked inside the pool) to his coach and said ..in a very firm voice …'Sir, today I just want to watch ..i don't want to put my head down.'
He was actually striking a deal with his tormentor!
The coach, relived that at least one of the problem kids was not crying said 'ok ok …just watch' .. this went on for a while …slowly Abhi was getting bored and when the coach said ..'come let's just try once'…he said…'last time, ok..after this I will not do' …and he went !
The coach ducked his head..asked him to keep his legs straight and gave him a push …Abhi was floating in water for a second ! Both the coach and Abhi were delighted with this development ( and we hiding in the bushes were actually on the 9th cloud!!!)
Encouraged by this …they both tried it some more times…though not enjoying it, Abhi was giving it a shot- obviously enjoying the attention, the coach was showering on him …( I must say .. guys at any age ..will do anything when their egos are massaged ;))
So finally he was promoted from the cry babies group to the regular group ..Here each kid would get a chance with the coach and they had do the whole exercise of staying underwater and float ..but this time they would be in a little deeper area ..and they had to do it for abt 4-5 feet distance (for ppl struggling with converting this ..lets say about 2-3 arms length..roughly).
Kids were standing in a queue for this activity..Excited about his new promotion, but scared nuts about the task ahead ,my son was also waiting for his turn..
There I saw a person …waiting for his chance for something he has dreaded ever since he was a baby…which he hates ..but still doing it ..so that he is not a lesser person than the others around him…I saw him from the place I was sitting …and I read all possible emotions in that tiny face…his rounded huge eyes..his rigid body posture ..Fear…grit, anxiety. As it is, am totally in love with this little man and that moment …in my tear filled eyes …this little man was braver than so many adults ..and yes ...most definitely me …I know how many times I have run away from things rather than face my fears .. I swear Ashu was crying too…but neither of us talked or looked at each other ..but waited for our son's ..final exam of the day …he got into the pool …and in his hurry to get over with the ordeal …just ducked his head and went over with legs bent…he lost his balance and went deep inside ..our hearts in our mouths we watched..sure of his screaming now…he came up shocked ..the coach who purpose-fully let him drown for a second ..asked him coolly …'see this is what happens if you don't keep your legs straight…so will you do it correctly now …let start' …and there he went …. bingo floated just like others …no he didn't start swimming in filmy style ..but he did just fine …his coach gave him a hi-fi and the proud 'swimmer' walked out of the pool ..done for the day !
We both ran ..hugged him … and all the way back …told him how brave he is and how proud we are of him. Not really sure, how much of our relief and pride he understood.
So that's the end of the episode..he still says he does not really enjoy the swimming classes…maybe we have to cajole him again for tomorrow's classes..but both of us know its never going to be as difficult as before…for, today Abhi has met his fear head-on and has it under control ..not yet won over it ..but he has decided to fight it …definitely a good beginning !
